What you can do

Don't feed the problem

If a family member is constantly asking for loans, has nothing to show for the money, and you suspect it's going to something like a gambling, alcohol or drug problem, what should you do?

"If you keep giving them the money then you'll keep the cycle going," says Cynthia Orme of the Problem Gambling Foundation. She recommends that, as difficult as it is, you turn down the requests for cash.

Shirley Woodrow of the New Zealand Federation of Family Budgeting Services agrees. "The person has to get to the state where they realise that they have a problem ... saying "no" to constant requests for money is the kindest thing to do for a long-term resolution."

If the relative says they need groceries or clothing for their children, "go to the supermarket with them and buy the groceries, or buy the kids' clothing yourself," says Orme. "The worst thing in the long run is to turn a blind eye and ignore it - that just perpetuates the problem."

Check their entitlements

If a family member is regularly short of cash, and there's no reason to suspect a gambling or similar problem, check out whether he or she is getting all the income they're entitled to. They may be entitled to additional benefits, or child support payments. Or their employer or bank may be taxing them at the wrong rate.

If you believe your relative was misled over a financial deal or contract, or were pressured to sign a contract which is harsh or oppressive, they can take a claim to a Disputes Tribunal or District Court. Ask a lawyer for advice.

Protect yourself

However you choose to get involved to help a relative, don't jeopardise your own financial security. Keep your finances as separate as you can. The emotional stresses you face will be even harder if you face financial problems too.

If your partner has a problem, don't agree to extend debts such as the mortgage, and don't take on the gambling or other debts they've run up.

Keep your personal savings well protected. "I am certainly aware of couples where one has money on term deposit with strict instructions that no statements are to be sent to the home address and no information is to be provided about the funds to the person with the problem," Kiwibank's Bruce Thompson told us.

Keep personal issues separate

If the relative has a problem such as an addiction, split the problem from the person. It should be clear that you care about the person: it's just the drinking or drugs or lying or thefts which you don't like. Take care of your own emotional health and, depending on the circumstances, physical safety.